EVEN IF YOUR LIFE IS SOUR, MESSED UP OR DIRTY

John 15:16

You didn't choose me. I chose you.

My wife once held a children's Sunday school where candy would be given to the kids as a treat. The way the activity worked was that as the lesson was being taught, she had the kids pass a bag of candy around. Without looking into the bag, each child was allowed to pick out one piece of candy. One got a strawberry flavored candy, another picked out a piece of chocolate, while another selected a lollipop, and so on and so forth. There were some, however, that picked out sour balls and upon tasting the candy they'd quickly spit it out. At the core of the lesson, she asked the children, “If you were a piece of candy, do you think Jesus would think that you tasted sweet?” “Of course!” they all said. One child went so far as to say, “We’d all be too sweet to taste for Jesus!” Well, this is actually true. You see, it doesn’t matter if your life is sour, messed up, dirty or unwanted because Jesus loves you so much and he’s chosen you despite who you are because He wants your life to be renewed and lasting.

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

Proverbs 12:19

Truth stands the test of time; lies are soon exposed.

An African tribe discovered an effective test for finding criminals among their own. After a crime would be committed, all villagers would be questioned by the village witch doctor. If nobody confessed, key suspects would be gathered and made to watch a spear-tip heated until it became white-hot. The suspects would then be made to stick out their tongues to be touched by the glowing spear-tip because the witch doctors believed that only a lying tongue could be burned. Well, here's what would usually happen: the guilty person would run off into the jungle as the molten metal approached their open mouth. If no one ran away, the test still worked because as the hot spear approached, it would touch innocent tongues without effect while the guilty would scream in pain. Superstition? Not at all. Science has shown that normal tongues have enough moisture to prevent quick burns, but people under intense strains (such as guilt or apprehension) would generally have dry mouths. Since villagers trusted the test, the innocent would be relaxed, having moist mouths. A guilty mouth, however, would be dry as the spear approached, physically betraying the lying culprit. I guess Proverbs 12:19 was right: lies are soon exposed.

EVEN IF IT SOUNDS CRAZY

Genesis 22:2

And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

Genesis 22:2 features one of the most truly absurd commands in the Bible. God promised Abraham the greatest blessings and that he would be the father of many nations, but He wanted the only child given to Abraham to be offered as a sacrifice? Well, that sounds just outright ridiculous, doesn't it? Sir Leonard Wood visited France and when the French King learned that he was in the country he sent an invitation to Sir Leonard Wood to have dinner with him the next day. Sir Leonard went to the palace and the King greeted him in the hall saying, “Sir Leonard, I did not expect to see you because you did not answer my invitation.” Wood then expressed one of the choicest sentences of his life saying, “A king’s invitation is never to be answered, but to be obeyed.” In an extreme yet similar way, Abraham showed the ultimate obedience to an absurd command and God honored that obedience with blessings to be given to Abraham’s family throughout the generations. It's a really simple truth when it comes to God: all you have to do is obey, even if it seems absurd.

MAKE YOUR RESERVATIONS

John 14:1-3

Don’t be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.

While visiting Prussia, the French philosopher Voltaire ridiculed God by saying, “I’d sell my seat in heaven for a Prussian thaler (dollar).” A Christian responded quickly to the philosopher saying, “My dear sir, you are in Prussia where we have a law which says one who wishes to sell anything must prove ownership. Will you prove you have a seat in Heaven?” There are people that just have the sheer audacity to brag about what they have, what they can get and what they don't want. Not a single person, however, can buy (or sell) their way into heaven because it’s free for the taking. All you've got to do is put your faith in Jesus and do His will for you to reserve a seat in Heaven. Do this and you'll have no problem finding the response to the question, "Can you prove you have a seat in Heaven"?

LIVE LIKE YOU HAVE ALREADY WON

Exodus 14:11

Then they turned against Moses and complained, "Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren't there enough graves for us in Egypt? Why did you make us leave?”

As the Israelites were being led out of Egypt by Moses, they found themselves at a dead end, cornered in by the Red Sea in front of them, mountains and wilderness to their left and to their right, and the ferocious soldiers of Egypt quickly closing in for the kill at their rear. They had physically reached a very real "dead end." A few years ago, an S4 submarine was accidentally rammed by another ship and quickly sank. The entire crew was trapped in what looked to be their eventual tomb. A rescue diver placed his helmeted ear to the side of the sunken vessel and heard someone tapping out a question in Morse code. The question came very slowly: “Is... there... any... hope?” In Exodus 14:2, you’ll see that it was God who led the Israelites to their supposed “dead end.” God’s words to Moses were, "Tell the people to march. Camp there along the shore, opposite Baal-zephon.” Baal-zephon means God’s hidden treasure. So what happened to the Israelites? In God's perfect time, they would find themselves walked through a parted Red Sea on dry ground to safety. Just when they thought they were cornered in at a dead end, they were granted Baal-zephon, God's hidden treasure. How do you react when you've been obedient to the Lord, but reach a dead end? Do you live like you've been cornered in or do you live like you're about to be blessed? Your answer will define quite a bit about your faith and relationship with God.

DON'T GIVE IN TO TEMPTATIONS

1 Corinthians 10:13

But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it.

It's likely that many of the mistakes you’ll make in life will begin with temptation. Lies are usually at the root of a temptation, so if you already know the truth you'll be able to identify that which has been falsified and resist it. It's pretty clear in James 1:13 where we learn, "Remember, no one who wants to do wrong should ever say, ‘God is tempting me.’ God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else either." James 1:14 exposes the reason we give in as, "Temptation comes from the lure of our own evil desires." I recently learned about a species of large and colorful spiders living along the banks of the Amazon River that when spread out gives the appearance of a brilliant flower blossom that is tempting to bees and other insects. The spider secretes a poison that drugs the tempted visitors and prepares them to be the spider’s next meal. If you don’t learn to identify sinful and tempting things, you just might find yourself like one of those unsuspecting bumble bees. Don't give in to your temptations. Live the righteous life and resist the lure of your own sinful desires.

YOU WILL HAVE MANY OPPORTUNITIES TO DO GOOD

2 Corinthians 9:10

For God is the one who gives seed to the farmer and then bread to eat. In the same way, he will give you many opportunities to do good, and he will produce a great harvest of generosity in you.

One of our church members takes every opportunity to share the Word of God and the good news of Jesus with her co-workers by giving Godly advice when they seek advice. She also manages to squeeze in a little prayer time for her co-workers during her lunch breaks. With these little actions she was able to plant the seeds of God’s Word in her colleague's hearts. For now, she is still sowing the seeds of love, but later her harvest time for blessings will come. Jesus taught us in Matthew 9:37-38 that, “The harvest is so great, but the workers are so few. So pray to the Lord who is in charge of the harvest; ask him to send out more workers for his fields." If you want to reap a great harvest in your life, take the time to wisely share the Word of God with those around you.

DON'T GO IT ALONE

Mark 6:7

And he called his twelve disciples together and sent them out two by two, with authority to cast out evil spirits.

God knows that the best way to go through life is with a partner. Spouses, good friends, or maybe even business partners make life's burdens easier to bear. Ecclesiastes 4:9 teaches us that, “Two people can accomplish more than twice as much as one; they get a better return for their labor.” Interestingly, even poor-sighted rhinos are blessed with partners. You see, a rhino’s back is typically infested with ticks, so a tickbird would ride on a rhino’s back while it also fed upon the ticks. In exchange for the free housing and unlimited meals, the tickbird would alert the rhino if danger approached from a distance. The Bible teaches us about the best partner we can have in Hebrews 13:5, “Stay away from the love of money; be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, ‘I will never fail you. I will never forsake you.’” Partner up with God. He’s already got the vision for your life and He knows what’s coming your way.

LET YOUR LIGHT SHINE

Matthew 5:16

In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.

There's a story that was told to me about about a sick passenger traveling on a ship. From his cabin down below, the sickly man heard someone yell out, “Man overboard!” Because he was sick and weak, he wasn’t able to go on deck to help, but he took his cabin lantern and held it near the window so that it might shine on the open water. A little while after, he heard relieved men yelling, “It’s all right. He’s safe.” The next day the sickly passenger was told that it was his timely lantern light that provided the only visibility on the water that helped the fallen man to see the rope that was thrown to him. Always take the opportunity to let your light shine on because a little thing can be a big thing whenever God gets involved.

HEAVENLY HOMELAND FOR GOD'S PEOPLE

Hebrews 11:16

But they were looking for a better place, a heavenly homeland. That is why God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a heavenly city for them.

Many people have excitedly emigrated to the United States to pursue their “American Dream.” Sometimes their original excitement fades out after just a few months when they have to deal with the thought, “This isn't what I expected.” God promised us a dream place where there's no pain, tears, or problems. The best thing about the Promised Land is that we'll be with Jesus our Savior forever. Jesus promised us in John 14:1-4, "Don't be troubled. You trust God, now trust in me. There are many rooms in my Father's home, and I am going to prepare a place for you. If this were not so, I would tell you plainly. When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know where I am going and how to get there." Now while we're happily waiting for the day of Jesus' return, be content with what you have because our Promised Land is going to be heavenly.

BECOME GREAT BY SERVING

Matthew 20:26

It’s not going to be that way with you. Whoever wants to be great must become a servant.

If you’ve ever been to a third world country, you might've noticed that the return policy for purchased items is very different when compared to developed countries. Generally speaking, you will be severely scrutinized before you get your money back. That’s pretty different from the “no questions asked” policy that has become the norm in developed nations. General Norman Schwarzkopf once said, “When I began as a plebe, ‘Duty, Honor, Country’ was just a motto. The Army, with its emphasis on rank and medals and efficiency reports, is the easiest institution in the world in which to get consumed with ambition. Some officers spend all their time currying favor and worrying about the next promotion — a miserable way to live. But West Point saved me from that by instilling the ideal of service above self to do my duty for my country even if it brought no gain at all. It gave me far more than a military career — it gave me a calling.” A wealthy businessman was once asked, “How did you become a billionaire?” His reply? "Easy. I made my employees millionaires." If you serve first, you’ll finish first without worrying about the competition.

NEW BEGINNINGS NEW HOPE

Ephesians 4:32

Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

There’s a grand sense of freedom once you’ve been forgiven for something (especially if it's been bothering you). Receiving forgiveness means that you have a new beginning and a new hope. It means that the things of the past are swept away and all things become like new (2 Corinthians 5:17). I recently read about a gravestone that had been inscribed with the word Forgiven. No name, date of birth or year of death were on the gravestone. Just the single word Forgiven. That said, forgiveness from God is quite possibly the greatest thing that could ever happen to a person's life. Everything from your past would be forgotten and gone. You could start over fresh and clean, with a new life. You could utter the words, "I'm forgiven," without any hesitation or fear. You would feel the freedom of knowing that all of your sins have been washed away. You could finally become the person who you were always meant to be.

WHAT ARE YOU LETTING YOUR EYES SEE?

Luke 11:34

Your eye is a lamp for your body. A pure eye lets sunshine into your soul. But an evil eye shuts out the light and plunges you into darkness.

Proverbs 20:12 teaches us that we have, "Ears to hear and eyes to see – both are gifts from the Lord." I once brought an elderly woman to an eye care center and it dawned on me that our eyes are some of the most incredible gifts from God. They were made to see the beauty of God’s creation and who He is. Now think about how often you allow your eyes to be used to see evil and how often you allow yourself to be enticed into the evil you're looking at. How would you feel if you gave someone a gift that was later being used for something bad or, worse yet, for something evil? There’s a mythological tale about Zulcucus, the lawgiver of the Locrians, who had rendered a law that would punish adulterers by blinding the offender’s eyes. The first violator of the law, however, was Zulcucus' very own son. The loving and upright Zulcucus caused one of his son’s eyes to be put out, and then one of his own eyes, as well. Be careful about what your eyes are looking at and try to use them for reading the Word of God. Use them to see the beauty of God and His creations. Use God's incredible gifts in a way that would make Him proud.

SAFE AND SECURE WITH FAMILY

1 John 5:18

We know that those who have become part of God's family do not make a practice of sinning, for God's Son holds them securely, and the evil one cannot get his hands on them.

Have you ever heard of a newlywed couple that took the time to plan for a future divorce while on their honeymoon? Me neither. Typical newlyweds talk about the future, how many kids to have and when (or sometime if) they want to have a baby. Honeymoons are about celebrating the promise of the future. They are about making plans to build a strong, loving, caring and beautiful family. They're rarely ever about planning to have a broken family. So for that matter, where did divorce come from? In the book of Matthew, the Pharisees asked Jesus about divorce and why God allowed for it. Jesus responded in Matthew 19:8 by saying that, "Moses permitted divorce as a concession to your hard-hearted wickedness, but it was not what God had originally intended.” Divorce is not part of God’s plan. It’s a result of the free will of man. The solution to avoid divorce is to make your family a family of God. Be a part of the family of God and your family will be safe and secure in His hands.

GOD NEVER NEEDED A BAILOUT

Proverbs 19:17

If you help the poor, you are lending to the Lord – and he will repay you!

I once read a story about a father and son, where the father gives his little boy a half dollar with the condition that he could do whatever he wanted with the money, but that he just had to use it wisely. Later, the father asked his son about the money and the little boy told his father, “I lent it to a poor beggar who looked hungry!” The father scornfully replied, “Well, that was foolish of you! You’ll never get your money back!” Innocently, his son responded, “But, father, I’m definitely getting the money back because the Bible says that if I help the poor that really just lending the money to God and that God’s going to repay me! I think God’s good for the money.” Have you helped the poor and needy recently? It's a pretty wise way to invest your money since God guarantees returns on this kind of investment. The last time I checked, God never needed a bailout for any toxic assets, and he still owns every natural resource on earth.

CHECK OUT YOUR HOROSCOPE HERE

Deuteronomy 18:10

Do not let your people practice fortune-telling or sorcery, or allow them to interpret omens, or engage in witchcraft.

Everyday, I receive emails upon emails and message after message that read something like this: “Read this email and then send it to ten (or even fifteen or twenty) people and your wish will come true (or something good will happen to you).” You’ve likely been either a recipient or a sender of these emails yourself. The sad part is that some of these emails are being forwarded on by Christian brothers and sisters. I once read about a crystal-gazer who charged $25 per reading. She told a customer, “$25 entitles you to ask me two questions.” The visitor asked, “Isn’t that a lot of money for only two questions?” The fortune-teller responded, “Yes, madam, it is. So now, what’s your second question?” It’s pretty foolish sounding, right? Well, the Biblical truth is that horoscopes and fortunes violate the Word of God because nobody can know tomorrow except for God.

A CHRIST-LIKE ATTITUDE

Philippians 2:5

Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had.

One of the soldiers of Emperor Julian the Apostate (who sought to destroy Christianity beginning in the year 363 AD) sarcastically asked a Christian while persecuting him, “Where is your carpenter now?” The afflicted Christian responded, “He is making a coffin for your emperor.” A few months afterward, Julian was wounded in battle and as he dipped his hand into his bloody wound, he realized that death was upon him. Julian threw his blood toward Heaven surrendering the battle with the words, “Thou hast conquered, O Galilean!” It’s hard to believe that a simple carpenter from Galilee could be great at anything. With that we have to keep in mind that success isn’t always based on aptitude, but also upon attitude. Philippians 2:6-8 explains Jesus’ greatness: “Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, He humbled himself.” Servant leadership – now that’s the path to greatness.

LISTEN TO INSTRUCTION & BECOME PROSPEROUS

1 Timothy 1:5

The purpose of my instruction is that all the Christians there would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and sincere faith.

There are two distinct ways to receive instruction: 1. receive it gladly as Proverbs 16:20 teaches us that, “Those who listen to instruction will prosper; those who trust the Lord will be happy”; and 2. receive it to mock or reject the instructions as Proverbs 9:8 shows us, “Don't bother rebuking mockers; they will only hate you.” A Sunday school teacher taught her students to keep quiet during the church service and one of the children asked, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One observant little girl replied out loud, "Because people are sleeping." We go to church to learn and receive instruction from the word of God. Be wise to follow the Lord's instruction and certainly, you shouldn't fall asleep while He's giving you instructions that could change your life. Just think, prosperity and happiness are yours for the taking and all you've got to do is listen to His instruction and trust in Him.

GETTING INTO HEAVEN REQUIRES AN ACT OF GOD

Matthew 7:13

You can enter God's Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose the easy way.

Matthew 7:13 doesn’t mean to imply that it’s difficult to get to heaven, but rather it simply clarifies the incorrect impression that some may have that there are many ways to get into heaven. People have mistakenly used religion, good works or money to try to carve their way into heaven. All these ways can be deemed as easy because they’re all human acts. It's kind of easy to forget this, but getting into heaven requires an act of God. After all, since no human ever descended from heaven, it begs the argument that no human can ascend to heaven on their own strength, plans, etc. There is only one way to make it through the pearly gates as far as a God is concerned: the narrow gate provided by Jesus. It really is quite easy, isn’t it?

NOBODY'S PERFECT, SO BE FAIR

Matthew 7:12

Do for others what you would like them to do for you.

A story has it that King Philip of Macedonia fell asleep while hearing a case, and that as he suddenly awoke without having all the facts of the case together, the king passed an unjust sentence upon the man who was on trial. Shocked by the sentence, the doomed man cried out, “I appeal!” Philip became upset and asked him, “And to whom do you appeal?” The man replied, “From the king who was sleeping to the king who is now awake.” The king was so moved by the man’s logical appeal that he reversed the judgment. Nobody is perfect or all knowing. We all make mistakes, so always be fair when dealing with people and what you might deem faultiness. Let God be your influence to be fair and just.

OVERCOMING ENVY, GREED & RIVALRY

1 John 4:20-21

If a man say, I love God, and hate his brother, he is a liar: for he that loves not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen? God himself has commanded that we must love not only him but our Christian brothers and sisters, too.

There’s a story about a man who met two travelers, one was greedy and the other was envious. When the three men came upon a crossroad, this man told the two travelers that he would grant both a gift before they parted ways. The gift was this: whoever would make a wish first would have his wish granted, while the other man would get twice as much of what was wished for. The greedy man knew what he wanted, but didn’t want to wish it because he didn’t want his traveling partner to have twice that of his own wish. The envious man was also unwilling to wish first because he knew he’d be envious of the greedy man having twice that of his own wish. Each waited for the other to wish until finally the greedy man took the envious man by the throat, saying he would choke him to death unless he made his wish. The envious man said, “Alright, I’ll make my wish. I wish to be made blind in one eye,” and immediately he lost sight in one eye – and his companion went blind in both eyes. While envy, greed and rivalry are powerful things, they can be overcome. The solution is found when we sincerely love God and our Christian brothers and sisters.

WEALTH AND HEALTH

Philippians 4:19

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

The legend of King Midas says that Midas asked for and received from the mythological Greek gods the gift of having everything that he would touch turn to gold. At first King Midas was delighted as he saw his riches grow. However, Midas quickly ran into difficulties the moment he touched his food and it turned into inedible gold. The irony, of course, is that there is poverty in riches and riches in poverty. The best riches are those that God supplies to a person who wisely seeks a blessing from God. Solomon taught us in Ecclesiastes 5:19 that, “it is a good thing to receive wealth from God and the good health to enjoy it. To enjoy your work and accept your lot in life – that is indeed a gift from God.” So what should we do? We should ask for untapped blessings from God Himself, the health to partake in those blessings, and the enjoyment and acceptance of His gift, whatever it may be.

YOU'LL BE JUDGED ACCORDINGLY

Proverbs 24:12

Don't try to avoid responsibility by saying you didn't know about it. For God knows all hearts, and he sees you. He keeps watch over your soul, and he knows you knew! And he will judge all people according to what they have done.

For 7 years, 8 months, and 20 days, Lawrence Bader became John “Fritz” Johnson. As Fritz Johnson, Bader was promoted up the ranks at KETV-TV in Omaha, Nebraska, eventually becoming KETV's sports director. He got married and had 2 children in Omaha. A Bader family friend spotted "Fritz" at a sports show in Chicago and alerted his family in Ohio. Fingerprinting confirmed that Bader and Johnson were one and the same. Bader had apparently disappeared into Cleveland, OH after heading a small boat out into storm-tossed Lake Erie and was presumed dead by drowning when his body didn't turn up. Bader plead that he had no knowledge of his past in Akron, Ohio, where he was the son of a prominent dentist and a father of 4 children and insisted that he could not recall his old life. The story remains unresolved between a question of Johnson's amnesia or Bader's elaborate hoax to escape a life he no longer wanted. Regardless of your plans, schemes and self-reinventions, God already knows who you are on the inside. He knows the good and the bad about you, along with all your highs and lows. We have to let Him help us find out who we truly are.

BOAST ABOUT YOUR CALAMITIES

2 Corinthians 12:9

My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness. Since I know it is all for Christ's good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

In Rudolf Besier’s play The Barretts of Wimpole Street, the character Elizabeth asks her husband, “O Robert, how can you love me when you are so strong and I am so weak?” Robert answers, “Elizabeth, my strength needs your weakness just as much as your weakness needs my strength.” In an eerily similar way, the power of Christ is most potent when we are at our weakest. Since this is the case, we ought to be more than glad to boast about our weaknesses, hardships, persecutions, and calamities because we know that the Son of God is going to do something powerful through us. Our weaknesses are God’s opportunities to show us His power with extreme clarity. Don't groan when the hard times come upon you, but instead remember that when you are weak the gracious favor and power of Jesus is upon you ready to show itself through you.

GOD IS FOR US

Romans 8:31

If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

There’s a story about a French Marshall giving a battlefield report to General Napoleon Bonaparte who said, “I fear the battle is lost.” Napoleon very coolly checked the time of day and replied, “Time for another battle. Call for the army to a fresh charge.” Napoleon made sure to never lose heart during ferocious military battles even when the battle was seemingly lost. Winston Churchill once said in one of his memorable speeches, “We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, and we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender.” Never surrender. Be strong and courageous because in Christ the victory is already won.

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE

Luke 9:62

Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.

Many people that followed Jesus during His ministry wanted to be disciples, but most of them had demands that needed to met before they would commit to following. Jesus told them that if they wanted to follow Him, they’d have to take up their own cross. The "cross" that He was referring to wasn’t just an object, but it was also their destiny. Jesus knew that His destiny was to bear the cross of everyone's sin and He took his destiny head-on. I'm reminded of a silly story about a young Sunday school student that was listening to the story of Lot and his wife "turning" into a pillars of salt (Genesis 19:26) as she turned and looked back. The boy very excitedly interrupted his teacher saying, "My mother looked back once while she was driving and she turned into a fence post." The funny thing is that when we turn our eyes from God’s plan for us, our lives can begin to spin out of control badly. To be fit for the Kingdom, you’ve got to keep your eyes on the prize and remember, don’t look back.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT

Proverbs 13:3

Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything.

So often we forfeit the blessings that are meant for us because we can’t control that little sliver of meat in our mouths: the tongue. I’d read a funny story about an elderly man that had a very serious hearing problem. The man went to his doctor and was fitted for a hearing aid. After a month the doctor told his patient, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The old man retorted, "Doc, I haven't told my family. I've been sitting around just listening to their conversations and it's made me change my will five times already!" Look, if you just can’t control your tongue, learn to keep your mouth shut! It'll all be for your own good.